USA Today reports:

 "A Texas mother accused of drowning her five children was embraced Monday by a coalition of activist groups that say she needs treatment for her mental illness and should not face the death penalty.

"Yates has pleaded not guilty by reason of insanity."

 
 

 We at the Institute for the Humane Treatment of Losers, Jerks, and Sociopaths that Deserve to Die (IHTLJSDD) also believe that Ms. Yates deserves to be treated no different than any other loser, jerk, or sociopath that deserves to die.

We are not unsupportive of the idea of getting treatment for mental illness. Like other groups, we believe that treatment is an important step in becoming aware of one's responsibilities to society. Unlike these other groups, we believe that effective treatment can be combined with conditions that also satisfy the requirements of the law, specifically the death penalty.

In light of this spirit of satisfying both mental health and capital punishment, the IHTLJSDD proposes the following treatment regimens...

 
Lethal Electro-Convulsive Therapy
 
A variation on Electro-Convulsive Therapy.
 
Beginning with a therapeutic dose of electric shock, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to increasingly higher doses of electricity until all legal requirements of judgement are met.
 
 Repeated Hydro Submersion Therapy (The Smith/Yates Method)
 
A new-age approach to mental health therapy
and capital punishment.
 
This method seeks to re-enact the method of dispatch that Susan Smith and Andrea Yates used on their own offspring by repeatedly dunking the patient's head in a tub of water until becoming oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to increasingly longer periods underwater until all legal requirements of judgement are met.
 
 Repeated Hydro Submersion/Reanimation Therapy
(Modified Smith/Yates)
 
Similar to the Smith Yates method except that the patient will be revived after death and the process repeated to satisfy each individual verdict.
 
Cyanide Inhalation Therapy
 
A new therapy being developed by various
unregistered children's rights groups.
 
Beginning with a therapeutic dose of gaseous cyanide, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to increasingly higher doses of cyanide until all legal requirements of judgement are met.
 
High Velocity Lead Insertion Therapy
 
A therapy devised by gun control lobbyists to
demonstrate the lethality of handguns.
 
Beginning with a therapeutic dose of high velocity lead, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to increasingly higher doses of lead until all legal requirements of judgement are met.

 The following are various therapies that are being reviewed by IHTLJSDD pending ruling pertaining to the humaneness of the therapies on its paricipants...

Watching Reruns of The Brady Bunch Until Dead Therapy
 
While considered by most to be cruel and unusual,
this punishment is gaining popularity among the masses.
 
This therapy/punishment creates an additional punishment for those guilty of extra-heinous crimes. Beginning with a therapeutic dose of non-stop Brady Bunch reruns, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to continued exposure to Brady Bunch reruns until all legal requirements of judgement are met.

 Presidential Debate Therapy
 
A truly original way to put
presidential debates to worthwhile use.
 
Beginning with a therapeutic dose of videotaped presidential debates, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to continued exposure to videotaped presidential debates until all legal requirements of judgement are met.

 Microsoft Cardiac Pacemaker Therapy
 
This treatment is probably too cruel to make it past
the Supreme Court.
 
A patient is fitted with a pacemaker that is the sole center of cardiac regulation. If the pacemaker ceases functioning, the patient's heart will stop as well.
 
The patient is fitted with this pacemaker and then informed that the software regulating the device was created by Microsoft. If the patient is unfamiliar with Microsoft products, then the patient will be exposed to a Windows based operating system and shown how frequently the Blue Screen of Death appears for no known reason. Upon seeing the reliability of the device keeping them alive, the patient will become oriented and aware of the significance of one's actions. Upon becoming sane, the patient will then be subjected to continued exposure to the Microsoft Cardiac Pacemaker until all legal requirements of judgement are met.